I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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