apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
