You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
