dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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