if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dick very happy bro
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