I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
