nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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