I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
