we have officially mastered the walk of shame
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
