he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
