I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
