oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
