This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
