I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
