Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
