OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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