Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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