she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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