It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
