She's JV to your varsity
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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