Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
