I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
