Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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