Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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