Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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