I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
