I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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