we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
