I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
