While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
