Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
