Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
