im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
