omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
