So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
