there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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