nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
