the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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