How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
