Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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