Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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