I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
