so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
