I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
