this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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