I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
