Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
