I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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