the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
