At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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