At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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