I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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