Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
